Monday, July 20, 2009
The Bitter Realization of the Broken Soul
Pity for myself, for no matter how I tried not to be affected still I am affected. But what made things worst was the very fact that no matter how I wanted and tried to make things right, still I ended up unappreciated and unworthy of it.
All of us goes through our own ups and downs in life. And being labeled as civilized human being, we have what we call defense mechanisms that are socially acceptable. What is unacceptable to me now, is how events has turned the other way around and how it has affected me so much.
Like what I have mentioned before, I have never really been a kind of person who normally holds grudges because I know for a fact that it will not do me any good at all, but because of what had happened I am starting to become one. I even learned how to push my anger to its very limit.
As an individual and as a social being, it is important that we become socially aware and responsible. Not just for the good of ourselves but for others as well. But maybe what I thought and what I just did is a big mistake. I just actually tried to correct the wrong doings of a certain 'trash' since obviously, it's already becoming habitual. But such act created a certain negative image or impression in me that I just cannot comprehend and even accept no matter how I have tried. Never in my entire life that I was humiliated with such intense... that it has affected me so much and eventually became an agony.
I am currently in the mode of healing myself with this pain that is brought by bitter reality. I chose to do it just by myself to avoid complication and to avoid occurrences where I might end up losing my sanity.
Yes, I am disappointed. And I am disappointed not because of how things ended up but because of what reality had taught me. Indeed, it is really sad that there are still people in this world who could care less with the people around them, and could even done such selfish acts for the benefit of their self-centered selves. Moreover, the saddest and very disappointing part here, is for me to realize that there are really individuals who could pretend to be blind, deaf, and mute over facts in exchange of a certain prize.
I have tried controlling my emotions... and I have even tried holding it as much as I could. But instead of making me feel better, it has built and created anger, depression, pain and shame. And eventually resulted to my incapacity to think, communicate, and to socialize in the better sense.
To you who have done this to me, you will never have an idea how much pain, suffering and humiliation you have caused me! Your selfish acts need not be tolerated.