Wednesday, December 30, 2009

An Online Dating Resources

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The same as blogs, there are now so many online dating services sites around. It has mushroomed all over the corners of the world wide web which only proves how we become more dependent on our latest technology particularly with internet. At the same time, it is indeed pretty tough now to choose of which dating site will probably be of help to us in finding what we are looking for in terms of friendship, new relationships, and even real love. This is exactly the reason or one of the reasons why a dating sites review has been created. To somehow be of assistance to those who are in search for a better online dating service.

MyDatingReview.com is a better way of finding the best of all the best online dating sites around. It has all the resources one needs that is of quality and also effective. It provides ease to its users by simply allowing them to find efficient and effective online dating services or dating websites through real personal advices and reviews. And what is more interesting with this site is the very fact that it provides services for free – it was created not only to assist singles but to also give them free resources where they could possibly post and read online dating services reviews from its actual users.

So if you are still in a search for someone special all over the globe, or if you're a person who wants to meet friends and other interesting persons, or if you already have plans of joining a dating site, then why not try to visit MyDatingReview.com for assistance. Add the fact that the site is not a busy site unlike other sites around since they do not put ads for any online dating services.




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Sunday, December 20, 2009

A Note to Remember

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As you are reading this note, I am no longer hoping that you will still understand. As much as I wanted not to be affected, my conscience is making me feel the need to reach out than to just keep myself in silence. This is exactly one of the reasons why I have written this note. But this is never a note to explain myself. I bet it's useless now to explain. You have already judged me. You, of all the people in the world to whom I am keeping my trust and who I thought would understand me and stay with me 'til the end, already pushed me away. But I am not blaming you, neither am I blaming anybody not even myself.


Maybe this is just a note to express myself or to tell you how I feel after that message. And maybe this is just a note to bid goodbye. That though I am always scared until now to lose you, you've already put everything between us into trash. You've told me enough. I may not have heard it directly from you, but yes, I've heard you loud and clear. And I guess, no matter what we do now, I will always be that person who you thought I was. But I will never tell you that you're wrong neither will I confirm that you're right because even I, myself, is a stranger to my being as a whole. However, even if this is the case, I will stay the same - the same as who I am from the very first time you have known me.

Glad you have already spoken. I mean, I am glad you already speak up, of what's really on your mind. Been waiting for it sometime ago. Been longing to hear you spiel it. And now, though I wasn't feeling good with what I've learned, I am still grateful. At least I know now where I really stand. And I guess I don't have much reasons now to continue the dream 'coz I am awake now. Unless you'll learn who really I am and what role do I really play in your life. Or not until you realize that I am still worth of value to you.

Yes, I may have been surprised but it's nothing compared to how hurt and sad I become after knowing that despite all those times we've been together, still, you don't seem to know me. I have never imagined how little you see me. And I have never thought that I have already created that worstest impression of myself in you especially that I have always believed that you're one of those very few people who would surely understand my unbecoming until the end. That though there have been so many doubts, I always have my trust in you, always.

Now, just for your convenience I would say yes. Yes for always giving rooms for doubts. Yes for uncertainties. And yes for being confuse most of the time. But for God sake, these never mean I am not trusting you. Never!

Maybe I am just really weak. Weak enough to explain myself. Not strong enough to fight or to go against life's realities. But from the very start, I have already shown you the weakest person I could ever be. But maybe that was not me. Or perhaps, you've never paid attention to give yourself time to notice me or to notice that.

Just the other day I decided to go online. I decided to go out and feel life because loneliness is starting to kill me once again. The deafening sound of silence is making me think and eventually reminding me of the reality I am currently facing. God knows how I keep on trying to negate all these negative feelings inside me because I never like it. Who would want to always be in pain? Who would want to lead his life to misery? Who's strong enough to endure pain and sorrows? And besides, I want to apply everything that you've taught me because I always wanted you to be happy and to see you happy through this simple effort from me. But then again, that may have not been of any importance for you to notice.

But I bet you will never understand me not until you came to the point of sacrificing your happiness for the benefit of those people you love and those who you always wanted to be happy. You will never experience the real world of lost not until you will be in a situation where even if you already know where you're heading, still, you go against your will. You will never hear the deafening sound of silence not until you realize that it's yourself who's left for you to talk to. You will never feel the pain of being alone not until you see people around you busy chatting and happily sharing the gift of love and all you could do is nothing but watch. And I bet you will never ever be able to imagine a life that will forever be hungry of love because you're lucky to have been loved by those people who you always wanted to love you and there are always people who are willing to love and understand you despite all the odds.

I know I have never been a person that people always wanted me to be. But who are we to blame?

But hey, whatever happened, please always remember that I am not mad at you and I will never ever be. I maybe hurt. But aren't we? I will never be blaming you for an event I know you never would have wanted too.

I LOVE YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS DO.


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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Importance of Web Hosting

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Why is web hosting important? At the same time, why is it important to have the right web hosting?

Today, web hosting companies have mushroomed all over the corners of the world. This is mainly because internet has become part of most of us especially when we talk about daily routines. Almost all sectors of our society are now becoming more dependent of the internet - from different businesses and schools down to each of the households around the globe. And as we become more and more globalized, it is just important for us to have the better, fastest and more convenient internet access, this is where web hosting become more important.

If you are just an end user of the internet, you may not really care that much about efficient and effective website hosting. Unless you are that person who have plans to not just use internet to be informed but to use internet to provide help or services by creating a website to disseminate information - the same as a blogger.

When I entered the field of internet blogging industry and start building my own blog, I really don't have any idea at all to how useful and important web host and web hosting are. Now, I am glad I am able to realize the vital role they are playing talking about my blog's success.

Since there have been lots of web hosting companies around, it is only best to choose the right one for us. The one who is both efficient and effective and the one who will always be there to help and lead us to the success of our websites. This, for sure, is a very tricky task and exactly the reason why webhostingrating.com's created. They do offer web hosting guides where you will be able to learn more about web hosting and web hosting providers. Just please don't forget to consider the amount of web space, number of email addresses, bandwidth (or data transfer), and please include the operating system too, in choosing the right web hosting that would be best for you and your website.




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But Who Are We To Blame?

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Complicated is this person who writes. But who are we to blame? Life itself is a complicated issue, thus, everything in it follows. Yet, despite all of life's complexities, there must always be a room for understanding. One must learn to waive that benefit of a doubt and somehow, be not a judge right away.

Misled. Yes, misled is always the person that we are. No matter how hard one tries to give his best shot to understand the world, still, he will end up the other way around. But then, who are we to blame?

Misunderstood. And misunderstood is always the writer that he become. That even if how many times he gives hint to let his readers easily understand his thoughts, they're blinded by their own will. But the reader has a mind of his own, so who are we to blame?

Maybe, we are lucky to have been given this gift of wisdom... only that we are not fortunate enough to understand its worth. But who are we to blame?



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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

As I Continue To Think

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There are times in life that no matter how we try to be complete, there would still be something missing. No matter how much effort one may give in to make things right, still these will end up the other way around. That even if how good an actor one is to hide and deny facts, events will be too blunt to let one realize that nobody escapes reality. And useless, as I may say, is the gift of this wisdom if reality always try to lead us to uncertainty, confusion, and being lost with the world we thought we already knew.

Doubts, confusions and uncertainties hit the button once again. And though this happens most of the time, still, I feel like a newbie. Now, this is giving me reasons to be very scared, to be very afraid of myself and of dreaming, hoping and living...

Too many questions are indeed a destruction at this point. Questions that may probably be forever questions because answers are emptied or perhaps answers are there but for obvious reasons, you would prefer to ignore or deny rather than accept.

Thinking. Part of one's becoming or unbecoming. Been thinking a lot almost every minute of everyday. Today I think again, yet at the end of the day I am still myself, not even a single answer's found. And so I continue to think. Even this will lead me to nowhere. Even if this will help me reach the never ending world of lost.




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Tuesday, December 8, 2009

A Gift For Christmas

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Thinking of a cool stuff as a gift to yourself this holiday season? A certain thing that would benefit not only yourself but your family and friends as well? A home decor? Or anything that would surely be of help to home improvement?

What about something to pamper or comfort yourself at home? What about cheap rugs?

So if you are into cheap rugs, then I bet you are just into a cool present for yourself. A one of a kind gift that you will surely treasure at home. And because you are indeed reading this page right now, then I might be able to help you find the coolest and interestingly impressive rugs that you would surely love.

Upon browsing the world wide web today, I was able to check a certain site that offers more than just a rug; area rugs in Persian and Oriental which are of high quality. And despite of their rugs being of high quality, these rugs are also of lower and discounted prices. Yes, I am talking about Superior Rugs. Their rugs are very affordable compared to some other sites I have checked just for today which names will never be disclosed here for ethics sake.

But why is it a must for one to buy rugs at Superior Rugs than to other rug companies? To quote one of their best selling statement on their official site,
“But Why Should I Buy from Superior Rugs? Unlike most online rug retailers they are middlemen trying to give you the best price”
, which is indeed very true.

So what are you waiting for? If you are looking for an area rug that is perfect for your taste, then please do not forget to check www.superiorrugs.com. And for sure, you will have the present that you would surely treasure this holiday season; a beautifully designed rugs that will suit your budget, size requirement, and colors you are looking for.



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My Distorted Self

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Life's full of mysteries. Indeed, it's one grand adventure that one may or may not fulfill. Everybody has their own stories to tell; You and I have our own stories to share. We may not necessarily understand each other's stories, but for sure, each of us affects each other - may it be directly or indirectly.

Lately, I am with my weirdest self. Been into thinking without thinking. Been enjoying the time that I am in pain and injury. It's weird that I find it harder for me right now to let go of this negative feeling I have inside of myself - agony, despair, pain and even misery. I am enjoying the experience of keeping myself inside this real darkness of life. And maybe it's because I find bliss while feeling the pain even if it's a fact that it's killing me inside.

No, I'm not a pessimist neither I am an optimist. I maybe just myself. If only I could explain myself further, but I cannot. I don't get it, for sure I know myself but I barely know enough how to explain things. Now I am confuse, but maybe this is really me.



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Monday, December 7, 2009

Otaku Fest In Cebu 2009

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This coming 12th of December, 2009, brace yourself Cebu citizens as here comes Otaku Fest once again, and now on its third wave! As the most awaited event of all anime, manga, cosplayers, and video games fanatics in Cebu, this year's event which will take place at the grounds of UP-Cebu campus, is for sure another great year for all Otakus. So if you're indeed a true-blooded Otaku, dare not miss the fun and surprises of this once in a year event which is made available only for you. So be there!


Are you one of the keen hobbyists in town with obsessive interests, particularly in anime, manga, and video games? Or, perhaps, a fan? Or maybe someone who just wants to have some fun after a stressful day of work?

Are you an Otaku? Are you one of us?

If your answer to all the above questions is nothing less than YES, then you deserve to be notified!

It’s the Otaku Fest once again. And yes, it’s now on its third wave!

This 1-day annual convention for fans and hobbyists that began two years ago is here once again to bring all together various institutions, organizations, and individuals engaged in the entertainment industry, or just average hobbyists, with its main purpose of not only to entertain but to cater to the participants’ interests.

What about a DOTA Tournament? A Cosplay Competition? An Original Character Design Competition? A Digital Photography Competition? An On-the-Spot Poster Making Contest? And even a Singing Competition? Yes, all these are made available for the benefit of our participants. And for sure, there’s more!

So if you are free on the 12th of December, then we are inviting you to join us for this event that has lots of exciting and interesting stuff in store only for you! At UP-Cebu Campus Grounds, remember the date — December 12.

To quote one statement written on Otaku Fest official site, “As long as the phrase ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’ stands, Otaku Fest will always have something to provide the community.” Indeed, Otaku Fest stays true to its words



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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

When You Believe...

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Life is indeed full of miracles if we're only keen enough to notice it. It is indeed true that miracles happen everyday but oftentimes we're not able to notice it because of our lack of faith.

Yes, one can become blind by seeing each day as just a similar one with the other days that had passed. The truth is, each day is a different one and each day brings a miracle of its own. One just needs to pay attention to it and to have that 'faith'. Because there's always miracles when you believe...

And today, I would like to impart a story that has moved me. A story of how a little faith can do one a miracle. And yes, it is a miracle that I now believe in miracles. A little faith has changed me and it has moved me into a better person that I thought I already was once...

Tess' Miracle
(A TRUE STORY)

Tess was a precocious eight year old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother, Andrew. All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely out of money. They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn't have the money for the doctor bills and their house.

Only a very costly surgery could save him now and it was looking like there was no-one to loan them the money.

She heard Daddy say to her tearful Mother with whispered desperation, "Only a miracle can save him now."

One day, Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured all the coins out on the floor and counted carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was too busy at the very moment.

Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing.

She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good.

Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. "I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

"Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick... and I want to buy a miracle."

"I beg your pardon?" said the pharmacist.

"His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?"

"We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little.

"Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs."

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does you brother need?"

"I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. "I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.

"How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago.

"One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly. "And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.

"Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents-- the exact price of a miracle for little brothers." He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents.

Let's see if I have the kind of miracle you need."

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed without charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

"That surgery," her Mom whispered. "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?"

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost... one dollar and eleven cents... plus the faith of a little child.

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.



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Saturday, November 28, 2009

We Condemn The Maguindanao Massacre & We Demand Justice For The Victims!

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I and/or we, the sovereign Filipino people, demand justice for all the victims of that Maguindanao Massacre. We condemn this barbaric murdering on innocent civilians as it is an animalistic act of crazy people.


"We, the sovereign Filipino people, imploring the aid of Almighty God, in order to build a just and humane society and establish a Government that shall embody our ideals and aspirations, promote the common good, conserve and develop our patrimony, and secure to ourselves and our posterity the blessings of independence and democracy under the rule of law and a regime of truth, justice, freedom, love, equality, and peace, do ordain and promulgate this Constitution. - Philippine Constitution, Preamble"

We must all unite in condemning this barbaric murdering on innocent civilians as it is an animalistic act of crazy people.

We are urging the government to punish everyone who is involved with this killing of innocent citizens. The full force of the law must apply to insure justice for the victims. No one is above the law.

These actions must come to an end for the safety of our innocent citizens.

The government must clean up these bands of warlords and murders once and for all.

No matter what the cost, these killers must be caught and punished according to the law. No negotiating as they have proven they will not abide by any agreements. They are just murdering animals. And animals do not murder others. They only kill for food. These murders are very barbaric acts and are destroying the good reputation of the Filipino citizens as a peaceful and loving people who respect the sanctity of human life. These killings are destroying the reputation of the Philippines as these acts are making news headlines around the world.

So let us all unite and force the government to act on this - immediately.





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Internet & Gambling When Mixed

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Internet, as just one of the many products of our booming technology, has become more of a significant means of communication. It seems like everything can now be put inside the internet, no matter how impossible we think a certain thing is; from those things of reality, now can be integrated into a virtual one. Example is that rapid and enormous growth of online games.

For online gamers like me, there are indeed a lot of online games around made available for us to cater our different interests and needs. Today, the one that tickles my interest is that online gambling game. And for sure it's not only me who's been tempted of trying the game if only trust and reliability is not a question. But hey, I just learned that there's already an online casino guide made available to the online public who wanted to know more.

Based from what I have heard, it's the slot machines that is more exciting of all the online gambling games available around. This is exactly the reason why there is already a guide to slots online casinos to make it more exciting and interesting. Yet, roulette, blackjack, keno, poker, and many other casino games together with their features that are also available for the benefit of all online casino gamers. Now the question is, which of these games will probably catch more of my interest? I don't know, never played casino before but who knows, I might just play it one of these days...



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Sunday, November 22, 2009

When It Rains...

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Yesterday, it rained...

The same as other people, I find rain as equally pleasing and interesting. While watching it pour, I find myself longing for something, and for someone. Somehow, I am feeling that I am that secluded being, feeling the rain while pondering the meaning of this life. Sometimes, it makes me feel like a cheerful happy soul who's keeping the cheer as he continues to live. But oftentimes, it's giving me the feeling of that downcast broken spirit who would prefer to be drown in sorrow as he hides from the world.

I still remember that rain, the one that poured my place yesterday. It was the same rain that brought me into an intense emotion, a mixture of calmness, sadness, melancholy. For what reason, I don't know... I just felt it.

I guess it is when I am constantly longing for someone and to be with that someone that I tend to love and enjoy the rain. And it is with this situation that I continue to move on, hoping to fix everything and to finally reach the bliss.

Oh rain! You're doing me wonders. You're giving me the urge to keep going, and yes, I am still going. And for sure I'll still be going even if you're gone.

And though I am still wondering why these had always been the case, but I am sure that these happen only when it rains...



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Played Online Gambling?

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Casino games online? Who haven't heard about it yet? Maybe there are still some, but for most people who spend most of their time in their online world, this is no longer an issue. As a matter of fact, its online visibility and the growing numbers of sites who offer this type of game, are just some proof of how it has occupied the online world.

But the question is, have you already tried playing the game? Have you tried playing online casino before?

Last February of this current year, I posted an entry regarding this game. I stated on that post that I have browsed some sites that has caught my interest in playing the game. Now, it has been months already and my mind's still not fix to whether try playing it or not. And several factors are reasons to this.

Like what's written on Wikipedia, reliability and trust are issues that I need to be very careful of, since these two are the most rampant issues online especially that we play online casinos for real cash.

And today I am writing another entry about online casino. So if in case we're both on the same ship, why not try to visit http://www.casinogamblingindex.com/ and check if those online slots there may interest you. Just check it, who knows...



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Thursday, November 19, 2009

Something's Not Right

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Something is wrong. I know there is, only that it's something that I cannot determine. It seems to drain me all the time and making me lost my drive to continue what I have been passionately doing before. I seem to run on an empty tank all the time that despite of the occasional spark of inspiration, still I am left with just an empty shell and waiting for nothing.

Something's fading. It's fading like the rainbow I have seen the other day after the rain poured my place. And I know it isn't right, something's wrong. It's awfully wrong, in my perspective at least, as it has resulted to my becoming unproductive lately and making my mind a total vacuum.

Something's unclear. For some reason, I have been quite hiding from the majority. Unlike the usual stage-like person that I am, now I am trying to lead myself behind a stage curtain which is blurring things even more.

I saw myself run. And at the same time, I saw myself hide. Now, something seems to confuse me. I am left with the idea that there really is something wrong and as it continues to fade, it becomes more unclear.

Oftentimes, I rush through life busily doing things to foget the past and to not focus on what tomorrow will bring me. All I just see is the path which seems to be just plain, it seems to have no direction indicated, and everything else's just a blur. Maybe, it's really good to have some time alone and take a while to think about things. To appreciate what I have. To find ways to make things better. To imagine.




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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Life Insurance In French

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If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. - Mickey Mantle

Indeed, life is more than just a word that is worth of value. And there's nothing more important in this world than insuring and taking care of it in order for us to live life to the fullest, making it more meaningful and worth living for.

Life insurance is maybe just a thing to many, yet it's more than that. As the saying goes, we live in this world just once. That's the reason why there is comparatif assurance vie made available for French people to help them protect and insure their life. Reliable and insuring as it is, it offers pret immobilier and mutuelle complementaire sante which would better assist them with their different needs in terms of insuring life as a whole.

Lucky are my French buddies for they have this kind of insurance made available for them. It's easy, convenient and more economical, or should I say practical, that would surely suit not only their needs but as well as their taste.

In life, we can never avoid unwanted and unexpected occurrences of events. So I believe that it would be better for one to take life insurance especially if one value the gift of life that's been given to him/her.

Let's live life to the fullest and continue our purpose of living.



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Monday, November 9, 2009

Because My Mind's Still Not Fixed

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As I begin composing this note, please be informed that I am not at my best. The complexity of this atmosphere surrounding me is giving me reasons to be out of focus but this shan't be a reason to not finish this post. Not at this point where the need to reach out to all of you is not only a must but more than that.

Been sitting here for hours yet my mind still not fixed. Wondering, thinking of how to word my entry this time in a wish not to sound pathetic or worst, disappoint anybody. But I bet it would be better if I just dive in head first and then speak up my mind and just say what I need to say hoping that everybody will take into consideration that everything's pointed here with nothing but the best of intentions.

Hiatus. This best describes what I have been for almost a month. But for sure it's not just because of some silly and pathetic reasons. And the same as before, reasons for this hiatus are aplenty but I shan't disclose any here.

Since after a week of hiatus, I've been overwhelmed receiving emails, comments and private messages asking where I've been and of why there's no new post for them to read. To quote one buddy's comment,
"For some very, very weird reason, I can't see an update of your entries in my blogger dashboard. Very bad. Tsk."
And to this buddy, I am sending my apologies. For sure, my absence is never an intention to disappoint anyone. I thank all for being so supportive and concern enough, I really do appreciate the fact that despite of my hiatus you continue to visit and check my blog. This alone gives me the reason to be more grateful of this life. And this alone is already an achievement, a fulfillment of one of my purposes.



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Monday, October 19, 2009

Repost: Please Hear What I Am Not Saying

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My sincere thanks to Charles C. Finn for his poem entitled "PLEASE HEAR WHAT I AM NOT SAYING". This had brought me too many realizations, realizations which I consider fundamental in my growth as a person and as a wholistic being created by God to submit to His will.

And to the one who introduced me to this wonderful poem which eventually became the bridge for I and Charles Finn to meet, I shall be forever grateful. You just don't know how you have changed me.


Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well
as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

Charles C. Finn
September 1966



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