Friday, September 18, 2009

My Last Pieces: [1] Straight from the Heart...

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Just the same as what the song had said... someday... somewhere... I hope we'll find the right place and time for us.

After we have talked last night, I've already made up my mind. Made it clear that starting today, as I have started writing this note, I would try not to be in contact with you again. I'll try building walls if necessary. I know how hard the task would be, and for sure this will never be easy. But I need to do this, until such time that I would no longer be affected of anything you say and of whatever you do... until I could already say I have moved on, without having to prove it to anybody, not even to you and not even to myself.

This is not what I want, God knows. But this is the only best option I could think of. Believe me, this really hurts me, but I need to do this. Believe me, this is not what I want to happen... but if this is the only option I have, I am taking this.

Never have I been a gambler in my entire life, but this time I'll try to be one.

Never did I think of doing an action that may disappoint you... an action that may end up you hating me, and me hating myself, but because this is the only best option I have, I am willing to take the risk.

Last night, you just confirmed everything that has been bothering me. No matter how I tried to defend you over my system, fact would remain a fact... that you just did what I always fear that you will do. And it's not just a thing to me, it's something which I have been trying to live without in my entire life - fear of being DENIED & REJECTED, the total opposite of ACCEPTANCE.

I no longer know whether this decision is right or if this is not, but then again I'm taking it.

Let this note be one of my last pieces... And now, after this had reached you, I will write the very last piece.

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