Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Solitary Soul Whispers...

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“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

Time just went so fast. And before I knew it, it's almost been 3 years that I've tried to live my life independently, alone and away from anyone or anything that would remind me of home. I've always thought I'd be able to overcome the feeling of loneliness inside me. I've always let myself believe that I can make it without them - my family and friends. Moreover, I've always tried to keep myself busy and deny every thought of home. Yet I failed again. Whatever I do I can never escape reality.

Right now, the thought of home is haunting me once again. I am missing everything I've left there, especially my family. I felt like I was betrayed by my own system. The walls I've been trying to build to shield me from pain and longingness eventually collapsed. And no matter how I try to rebuild it, I just cannot. I feel weak, I am weak now. Bleeding and enduring all these pain brought by nobody else but myself, by my stupidity.

This solitude sucks. It really does. I hate it. It's killing me little by little. This feeling of being alone tries to take out sanity from me. If only I've carefully walk thy path, I shan't be lost right now. But it's already late for any regrets now, it's too late to go back and walk the right path. But maybe it's not yet late for thy soul to let go from this cliff where I've been clinging and surrender this life to who really owns it.

Yes, I am missing home so much. I miss Dad. I miss Mom. I miss Ate Dhes. I miss Aldrin. I miss Balong. I miss everything at home. Yet no matter how redundant I become, no matter how many times I'll emphasize my longingness for home, all I could do now is just write. But I'll try to let them notice this, and I'll let this note shout it out loud how I miss them, of how I miss home so much.

This solitary soul is in need of your help. Just in case you're hearing me, save me.

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