"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first." — Jim Morrison
Sunday, August 9, 2009
In Replacement of My Stolen Mask
For the past few weeks, I seem to have misplaced the mask which I usually wear... the mask that has been a big part of my life since childhood days. And now I am left with this mask that I am not so familiar with, and I find it to be quite annoying sometimes. But little by little, I am adjusting. Its size and shape may not really suit me well at this stage, but for sure, sooner or later it would best fit me.
And now I stood here in an utmost feeling of disbelief... still trying to figure out those things that I do not understand... those that I could not even understand... those who try to stab me with desire... those who burned themselves with their stupidity and arrogance... and those who have gone really far to conspire with their own enemies, just for them to slay the name of vanity and pride, and to possess those that they could never really have.
Losing, or rather, misplacing my previous mask is indeed a real torture, not just to myself but to the culprits as well. Yes, I just have a feeling that it was not misplaced but intentionally hidden or put into somewhere else by a certain somebody who has no good intention at all.
Each day, I am becoming no good to anyone, not even to myself. And I am just wondering why I am starting to like it.
I know it's just around here some where... It is probably just hiding there, and this is not really the first time that I have misplaced it... I just know it's there, but I don't even bother to look for it. I will try to find it sooner or later, but not now, and not even at this stage. Maybe, I will have to let myself be used or fit with this current mask I am wearing so I can be what they want me to be...
They have done the unthinkable... through betrayal and lies. And I guess it's just better that I return them the favor.
They have tried to slain the previous "ME", and I believe that it's just fair enough to pretend that they have succeeded with it.
Right now, I am still trying to adjust with this mask that I am wearing. And because I am not yet used to this, maybe it would be best to give this more time, and focus on things that this would bring me with... even if it means that I have to temporarily stop dreaming, and embrace a world which is empty and void.
But don't worry, I will be just fine. I promise to find it soon enough, or maybe I will just have to wait for it to come out of the place wherever it was hidden... I will try to look for it tomorrow. But I will just try.