... and for this day when GOD have given the earth a life who would share and love dad for a lifetime, and who would eventually give life to us - Ate Dhes, I, Aldrin, & Balong, I am thankful.
... and for a son and a child who has been lost, let today be the day and a way for him to clear his very soul from doubts, pains and miseries. Let go of those unnecessary memories that is accountable for all the negativeness, and destroy the barriers that he has built for him to fully embrace life's happiness.
There is always a fallacy underneath the statement "every child in the family is equal", this is how I continue to live my life as your child and as your son. As much as I wanted to ask for encouragement, care and love from a family, a parent and a mom, I just opted to let you believe that I am okay. And so I have decided to do things on my own, to work on my own, and to satisfy myself on my own. Moreover, I have pretended to be happy and contented with the things you have given me when it's a fact that I feel so alone and a "last-priority". Making me believe that this world is totally different from what you have taught me before... that this world is full of lies and fakes. And that no matter how I try to make myself right to be noticed and loved by you, still I am just an option.
We know for a fact that I have never been the child who you always wanted me to be. This is the very reason why until now I am still striving and struggling with my life, trying to find ways on how am I going to be that child... and still in a search for my real self, making it a point that someday, somehow, you and dad would be able to accept me for what I have become, so I could fully accept myself as a person, and my worth as your son.
You don't deserve me, this is how I have taught myself.
I know that most of the time, I cause you much pain and frustration rather than giving you peace of mind.
You have been through a lot, and for this I thank God you are still in and with us for the duration. You have endured with patience no matter how I have tried to push my life against your will. And yes, I regret the pain I have caused you and I still carry it with me.
Mommy...
I may not have informed you yet how important you are to me, but now I would like you to know that you are, you really are.
I may not have told you how you always fill my heart with cheer and how happy I am whenever you are near, but now I am telling you.
I may not have shown you that your unconditional love and care, always brightens my day, but if you are only near me right now, I surely will.
Lastly, I may not have thanked you always or most of the time, for the many things you did - not just for me but for all of us, but now I just want you to know that I am thankful for everything.
Hope I could reach out to you right now, at this very moment while I am writing this note of my sincere love and gratitude, so I could tell you everything... everything that I have tried to keep in me, rather than to share to you, for almost all of my life.
Yes, we may not have been together through life's sorrows and pains, but I am glad that somehow we have always managed and we have always endured the strain. Please remember that even if how I have tried to go against you, deep inside me I still am longing for your advices and those things that you wanted to remind me of. You will always have a special place in my heart, and you will always be the greatest mom I have ever known.
Again, my apologies for not becoming the son and a child that you have wanted me to be... In time, I hope you will learn to accept this fact.
I hope to see you soon, with daddy, ate, Aldrin, and Balong. I miss you mom, and I miss all of you there. I miss your company and the laughs we had shared before. I love you so much. And if GOD would allow me to make things up to you, I would sacrifice even my own happiness, just for you to be completely happy.
On this day, let me tell you how grateful and lucky I am for having you as my mom. Happy Birthday MOMMY!
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22 COMMENTS:
heavy ka attiiiiiiii... this post made me cry. huhuhuhuhuh... first time i read a post nga grabe ka tinuod. hayz...
AJ! nasaag jud ko sa emung blog ug balik.. mkahilak mn pd ta ani T___T ... but ur a strong person! Have faith!
"I would sacrifice even my own happiness, just for you to be completely happy"
Somehow this line got me. I have a different case though. I feel for you AJ.
Naiyak naman po ako dito sa post mo. Sobrang nakakarelate ako sa 'yo. Lalo na ngayon that I just started this new path.
It's never easy to be the child that your parents wish or expect you to be. Ako din, i feel like a failure to them especially because they expect that by now, I'll be working in a stable company preferably in the corporate world, earning lots of money and have my own car at least. Na because they sent me to a good university I'm supposed to seek opportunities to climb the corporate ladder and have all the benefits that life entails. Well, i know now that I will never go that route again.
I pray that someday they will be able to accept the life that you've chosen for yourself.
Hi AJ,
Happy B-day to your mom! Hope you will get that acceptance you deserve soon from your family. Life may be unfair. But let the change start from you. When God gave life to you, you are an INDIVIDUAL that is part of a family. Definitely, you are a unique one. You are an INDIVIDUAL that will soon work on your own and find the true meaning of your life. And whe you fully understand what life is on your own, you can start to share that to others even to your family that you are an INDIVIDUAL who can touch their hearts!
LIVE, LOVE, BLOG!
-Obnoxious Queer
"I would sacrifice even my own happiness, just for you to be completely happy"
I would do the same...
Makahilak man ta ani atii..:'(
I wish I could come up with words like this for my mother, but I can't, it's too complicated on my end. I've got two moms, one appears better than the other at times and I wish I could pay as much credit as you do to your biological mother but from my standpoint it's just despicable to do so for someone I haven't met since a couple of years already, since I'm living with her sister that I treat as my mother for the past thirteen years or so.
The latest article on poeticnotes.com tells a brief overview about the complicated mess I'm in, I'm not promoting, I just want to share some related discussion that I have common with you, and that is our mother.
Hope you are ok and happy birthday to your Mom.
Everyone deserves to be happy and hope you will not let it anchor on the acceptance of others.
Take care.
Happy birthday to your mother, AJ. I feel you. We may all feel that it's easier to just keep all the pain to ourselves but we were not created to be that way. Offer everything to the Lord AJ and open your heart to your mom. We are all indeed created unique and everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. I wish nothing more for you but to simply be happy AJ. God Bless.
waaaa atii! grabe ka ha, wag kang mag attitude problem dyan ha. umayos ka. wag mo akong inaagawan ng moment, moment ko to! haha
seriously, thank you so much. just want you to know that all your simple acts and ways of cheering me up is indeed appreciated. and yes, it's quite effective 'coz you could really make me smile... and that really helps me feel better.
maybe, i should tell you more the next time we meet. and to personally thank you.
haha. muhilak pud diay ka? angay sad nimo? but thanks jorich. thank you.
hi winston. it's nice to have you here. i mean, thank you for visiting my blog and for taking time to leave this post a comment.
yes, making her completely happy and letting her know and feel that everything she did for us, particularly me, is greatly appreciated and will forever be treasured... her sacrifices, and everything. and i am just hoping that you would do the same. thanks again.
hi McBilly,
wow, i couldn't believe that a celebrity left me a comment. and this fact alone, made me feel better. thank you McBilly. thanks for the words of wisdom. yes, to GOD i surrender myself and all these pains. and i know in HIS time, everything will be just fine.
attitude problem ka rin atii? haha.
thanks kai. pero ayaw lang intawon hilak oi. kay basin muhilak na pud ko diri. basta, be a good gurl. haha. thanks again.
thanks ms janet for this. i know that our happiness greatly depend on us alone, of our full acceptance of ourselves... but sometimes, you cannot be fully happy, if deep within you there is a piece that need not be emptied. but i have strong faith in HIM, and i know everything would be fine in HIS time.
i know most of us, if not all, somehow feel the same thing... especially that most of the time we choose to be independent, and be the one to decide for ourselves.
just remember that whatever happens, we still owe our parents our life and their sacrifices, for us to be whatever or whoever we are right now.
i know most of us, if not all, somehow feel the same thing... especially that most of the time we choose to be independent, and be the one to decide for ourselves.
just remember that whatever happens, we still owe our parents our life and their sacrifices, for us to be whatever or whoever we are right now.
thanks kevin.
just don't give up, and remember not to lose your faith. in HIS time, everything will be alright...
thanks ate charoootz, haha. yea, live, love, blog. and you forget to mention, have faith. haha. thanks again.
Thats a deep note,one of the best I have ever read.
Great blog by the way.Please do check out mine..
http://think-anew.blogspot.com
thanks for the comment. glad that you find this post and my site interesting and great. :)
thank you. hope you will visit often.
thanks ms janet for this. i know that our happiness greatly depend on us alone, of our full acceptance of ourselves... but sometimes, you cannot be fully happy, if deep within you there is a piece that need not be emptied. but i have strong faith in HIM, and i know everything would be fine in HIS time.
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